Native American women grow up hearing stories of the power and strengths of their female ancestors. Women healers, warriors, artists and prophets. They hear stories of the power of woman as the divine creator, woman as a supernatural power and as a force of transformation and healing in the universe. They have never lost respect for the divine feminine or turned away from the true teachings of the universe. The stories told reconnect those who listen to the ancestors and to our divine roots. In sharing the stories of all cultures we can find the common threads that link all humans everywhere. These stories become the seeds that allow the teachings to grow.
As I continue to follow the path of the Black Madonna and answer the call of the ancestors I have found myself again in Angel Valley, a retreat center on the outskirts of Sedona. The purpose of the Dark Mother’s call was to journey to Grandmother Spider Rock in Canyon de Chelly. I was not sure why I had been called to return to this place of the ancestors. As dusk approached, I looked out the window to my right and there were the two crows that have followed me daily for weeks now. My constant companions and messengers alerting me that the Black Madonna was with me. Within minutes my good friend Jeanne pointed out a hawk that had swooped down and was now soaring in the distance with a snake dangling from his mouth. Hawks are messengers and snakes represent both transformation and ancient wisdom. We were being put on notice that something special was going to happen to connect to us the wisdom of the grandmothers.
I awoke this morning to the sounds of the flowing river and the noisy chatter of numerous hummingbirds darting to the bird feeder involved in an energetic game of sword fighting. I am truly blessed this day as I think about the journey that has led me to this place and the individuals who have joined me. The guardians of this sanctuary have invited us to stay in their home. Deb and Ted, two very special souls and beautiful caretakers of the Earth Mother. My husband is with me, two other very dear friends have joined us, Jeanne and Sky, the guardians of the beautiful sanctuary in Oregon that I have been privileged to experience and a dear sweet spirit, Anita who is traveling to sacred sites around the world planting crystal seeds of light that will germinate in the earth mother until the time is right for these light crystals to be fully activated. Seeds of unity that can awaken mankind to the truth of who we are and why we are here.
As I awoke to a gorgeous sunny day, I knew I had come to Angel Valley to walk yet another labyrinth and connect to the ancient Grandmother Wisdom Tree. As I begin my walk in this labyrinth, built exactly the same as the Chartres Labyrinth in France and the labyrinth in Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, I immediately felt the divine feminine energy. Every time I walk the labyrinth I experience something completely different. This time immediately as I stepped through the doorway, I felt something deep inside my heart stirring. It was a deep grief and sense of loss that came upon me. I had felt a sense of loss, grieving my mother’s passing for quite awhile. Although it had been 1 ½ years ago a wave of emotion filled me. With a deep breath to stable the emotional wave, my thoughts then went to my daughter who was turning 18 and graduating from High School next week. I knew our relationship was somehow going to be changing as she was going to be entering a whole new chapter in her life. The more I walked the labyrinth I realized this was a deeper pain and sense of loss than just my mother. Suddenly my physical body began to react. First my lower back right at the base of the spine suddenly began to ache. The first chakra is where we hold grief and concerns of family. As I continued deeper into the labyrinth I felt my mother’s presence. Not walking with me but somehow observing from outside the labyrinth. Although I loved her dearly she had been a source of great frustration as I watched her make a conscious choice to isolate herself from the celebration of life. She chose the path of being a victim, choosing to numb her disappointments with life itself through one prescription drug after another. Choosing one illness and disease after another. Choosing to live within the confinements of her house instead of stepping out in to the world. For 30 years I had tried to support her journey. I had given her numerous tools, books, tapes, CD’s, herbs and yet it was easier for her to just take another pill. Because she chose this path I often had no mother and yet when she died very unexpectedly from a brain hemmoridge I grieved the loss of something that was never there. Only in this moment as I walked the sacred labyrinth was I able to heal a lifetime of loss and fully embrace the support she had given me on my journey. To this day I am a strong advocate in living a healthy lifestyle thanks to this journey I had with my mother. I am physically not able to ingest chemical drugs as my body simply rejects them. I seek the guidance of the animal allies, standing tall ones and stone people when I am feeling lost and without direction. I choose natural herbs, aromatherapy oils and flower essences when I am not feeling 100%. I choose on a daily basis health and joy.
After she died and I began to go through her belongings I found the books I had given her over the years untouched, the CD and DVD’s never opened, the very tools I had given rejected piled in the back of a drawer. At the time I remember feeling I had somehow failed. I hadn’t been able to save my mother. With this realization I noticed my foot now began to hurt and again I felt pain held deep within the earth rising up through my foot and sending a shooting pain to my heart. It was the connection to the earth mother that I was experiencing now. In the silence of my walk I began to hear the Black Madonna speak, “Mankind has turned its back on the world of nature. They reject the very tools I have provided to assist them and guide them from the darkness of their own illusions and fears. They deny my existence. They build structures to various religions and in doing so shut me out. They judge their brothers and sisters for choosing to worship in a different way and never take the time to explore what other faiths offer”. I thought how collectively the human race has done what my mother did. Mankind makes a conscious choice to reject the very things that can assist them.
As I entered the center of the labyrinth I joined my dear friends and felt a wondrous energy of love fill the circle. We were there to support each other’s journey and somehow we had found our way to this place together. Almost immediately a white butterfly flew next to me. The Native American Indians believe that when a white butterfly joins your path it is a relative that has crossed to the other side. My mother was with me and I could release the loss and sense of failure. I became so very clear that we can not carry someone with us on our path. We can offer a hand to help them but if they refuse we can not interfere with their choice. We can instead see how their choice will assist us on our journey and help us to grow just by observing. The message was clear and again I was grateful for the Labyrinth that symbolizes the great cosmic spider web. It is the source that weaves all of our lives together. It is the unfolding story that each of us creates everyday. It is our soul history that is woven into the story of the human race.
When I left the labyrinth I heard the Dark Lady call to me again. She was calling me to return to the Grandmother Wisdom Tree and to prepare for the next part of the journey to Grandmother Spider Rock. We as a human race are in need of healing the Mother’s Pain and are each experiencing the release of old wounds and sense of loss. This is a time where we must each make the time to enter the silence to allow the Divine Mother to speak to us and make that connection once again.
Wishing each of you magick as we continue to walk the path of the Rainbow weaving our individual stories into the grand story.
Love and rainbows, Robbyne